Greetings Everyone,
I hope everyone is doing well on this Friday. I will speak today about something that we all can relate too. No photography, behind the scenes or photo story today. This is by all ends not intended to be personal. I am highlighting my personal experience as an example to help motivate you to just take a leap of faith and jump off the cliff especially if it’s your brand, business, something you care about and have a passion for. This is something I have to get off my chest. I have my faults just like anyone else however one thing that bothers me the most is, “What if.” It’s just a feeling thats takes time to shake especially if it’s something that can significant impact your journey through life. I won’t use names because it’s not important who she is. I don’t need one’s pity, I only ask to understand and continue to support my movement. This is to help uplift, motivate and most importantly encourage one to take their chances & opportunities.
I remember a couple of years ago, when I was doing a photoshoot with another female photographer for a group of models. I was in my usual zone of photo shooting. Perhaps it was a combination of confidence, nerves, shyness and forgetting to switch from photographer to Stewy. I did speak to her and introduce myself too her. For whatever reason I made a decide that day not to really talk to her and get to know her.
I was thinking afterwards, well I can add her on Facebook and continue to talk to her through there. Little did I know at that moment, I may as well could’ve just not even add her at all. I did chat with her on Facebook however I began to figure out that, talking to her online wasn’t as much of an impact as it could’ve been if I got to know a little more about her day. I only saw her that day and I haven’t seen her since however I continue to correspond with her off and on on facebook for the next year.
After a year of not taking that leap, I began to notice that it’s only so far one can go with talking behind a screen because it just felt like the opportunity to see her and get to know her in real time had passed me by. Even for a silly moment after a year of talking to her off and on, I did purchase a B-Day gift card for her but by then I should’ve saved my money and kept it moving because it did seem a bit awkward since if she even had a small bit of interest in me was gone by that point.
Since then the thought of “what if” with her continued to bother me about her and I didn’t know why. Maybe because since we continue to be friends on facebook, the thought of “what if” bothered me because I wasn’t in her reality or I didn’t have a guaranteed answer that she wasn’t into me like that especially once I began to see that she was in a relationship by this point. Now I don’t wish any ill on anyone in a relationship with a significant other because it’s just not in me to cause drama or destroy a happy home. From that point on, I felt like it was best to unfollow her on facebook because I feel like that would be the best for me to keep it moving and it probably won’t bother me as much. I will not say never but I will say with her the opportunity at this point has sailed away a long time ago. It’s no longer a what if now because I have my answer. I made a decision not to get to know her in person and that’s my answer. It wasn’t in my cards to get to know her based on my decision and today I am okay with my decision. I do regret my decision however I am not down in the dumps about it and perhaps everything happens for a reason. I am happy that she has a significant other in her life and congratuate them for bringing two new beautiful souls into the world.
I understand we all take our lumps and life lessons however I probably say that at this point in my life, I have more what ifs with women than guarantees. What ifs will not allow you to succeed if you dont take action and get those “What ifs” answered. I will say for the men especially men like myself that’s in our 20s or younger: Don’t be afraid to step up to the plate and swing because you will always miss 100% of your balls if you don’t swing. You see a woman you like, talk to her regardless if its at Wal-Mart. Yes nerves can be an issue for some however she maybe just as nervous but if you’re confident in yourself, then you will be fine and you will be able to flow and connect with a woman. Even if she’s not interested, you know for sure that’s as far as it goes with that particular lady, gracefully bow out and keep it moving. Also men, don’t always rely on social media and hiding behind a screen to get women. People can be whoever they want to be on social media until you see them in real time and you may not quite be impressed with that you saw online. Women have so much more to deal with on social media such as thirsty men coming outta the woodworks because social media has made it a little easier to talk to people vs in real time. Women may outnumber men 5 to 1 however women can still choose who they want to deal with. Also it’s possible to have your message to her are lost in the long abyss of messages from thousands of other men. My point is, you maybe better off approaching women the old school way in person vs online because at least you’re guaranteed a response then and there vs trying to get her attention or her to respond back to you online. Whether or not it’s a good or negative reception, you at least have an answer vs trying to wait for a response online. Remember “no response” is still a response.
Take my experience and use it as a learning experience so next time you decide to make the big jump into whatever you love to do and have a passion for. Don’t be afraid of rejection and failure. You fail in order to get up and do better next time. We get rejected because it may not be the right time to travel down that road or it maybe a road you don’t need to take. Don’t miss an opportunity by being afraid to take a chance on an opportunity.
My passion is photography. I won’t waste an opportunity to grow and become better with my work.
Gao Go Shoot in Seoul Korea 2014 ©DSoul Fotography